Jonathan

This week marked a year since Jonathan’s death.  None of us really knew what to do, and I was adamant that it’s just a day and time is arbitrary.  Though I try to ignore it, the fact that it has been a year is simply unbelievable.  I’ve been so busy that I’ve had to force myself to even sit down to write this blog and think about it.  I don’t want to think about it.  But then I saw something very traumatic on the freeway yesterday and it triggered a flood of thoughts that I couldn’t ignore and I had a really hard time snapping back into “work mode.”  The fact is I really miss my brother!  I’ll always miss him.  Cognitively I know that bad stuff happens and it happened to him and it’s not fair, but it happened.  Emotionally I am still stunned and angry.  Yesterday’s experience made me realize that I need to verbalize these feelings.  Not dwell on the them, but verbalize, share, process them.  I miss my brother and I’m angry that this happened to him, to his wife, his kids, friends, and us.  I wanted to get on here and write something profound and uplifting.  I think it’s more important to be honest.  We all miss him.  We all process his death differently.  After a year, we’re all in different places.  And that’s okay.  The common thread is Jonathan.  We’re where we are because of our love for him.  This isn’t about us, this is about him.  This is about an amazing person who is still a part of all of our lives.  Jonathan, you will always be a part of my journey.  I love you.

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