ashley's blog

New music video from The Material!

ashleyjomaier — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 02:51:32 +0000

Check out The Material’s new video for Let You Down here! (This is Roy’s band, for those who don’t know.)

Well now, you deserve an update.

ashleyjomaier — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 05:12:21 +0000

Let's start this off right. This is Hope, my new coworker.

Was the last time I blogged really December 3rd? Wow. Here’s some stuff that has been happening:

Launched a website for Connect the Dots! I’ve been trying to make this happen since 2005 and thanks to friends at n84r3 Design, we now have one! I mean, if some of you had become my benefactors or something, it probably would have happened a lot faster, but you know, everyone seems to think I need to work. If you want to make up for it, you could buy some lip balm to support us. THANKS n84r3!
Me, Mom, Sister & Her Two Kids

Visited home. Got to spend a whole week and felt as happily busy as ever. Still don’t want to have kids, though. My sister is not surprised. Love you all!
Visited Roy in LA!
Worked.
Probably some other stuff.

I start my first science class for my MPH prereqs tomorrow. It’s my first online class ever. Start an MPA course the following week. Did I mention that I’m doing an online MPA/MPH program? I am. And believe me, courses like chemistry and physics are totally going to help with violence prevention.

Well, that’s all you get because, honestly, anyone could be reading this. If you want to know more, you’ll just have to be a real friend and call.

Love you.

And when I say, "work," amazingly, I actually mean a different job than Pug cuddler.

A Call from Jonathan

ashleyjomaier — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 20:51:19 +0000

I recently got a minor medical procedure that required spending some time in pre-op. For most, this wouldn’t be a big deal. For me, watch out.

I love this picture. He's so happy.

This procedure required two IV’s. I’ll spare you the details of what goes down when I get IV’s – just think fainting, losing all control and feeling, and needing oxygen.

So imagine me making it through the above, with the help of one amazingly understanding nurse, being left alone for an hour trying to keep the above from happening again, and then getting a message from Jonathan. Seriously.

After an eternity of waiting, trying to ignore the phlebotemist who set up for another patient right outside of my curtain, and generally wishing the oxygen attached to my nose was turned up higher, my nurse came back, answered a call on her hospital cell phone, and asked, “Is it okay if your brother comes back to wait with you?”

Whoa.

I don’t know how it happened, and the nurse felt just awful when she found out the impossibility of that request, but I do know that nothing better could have happened at that very moment.

Just when I needed Jonathan, he was there.

10 Years

ashleyjomaier — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 05:36:58 +0000

Today, Roy and I celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. As both of our fur children sit next to me, making very loud grunts, snorts, and grumbles, I think back to how different our lives were 10 years ago. We have grown and changed tremendously, together. I am lucky to experience the true definition of partnership.

I Don’t Hate Police Officers

ashleyjomaier — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 18:48:55 +0000

I have quite a few friends and acquaintances who hate the police, who hate the military, etc. ”But Ashley, don’t you?! Traitor!” you say.

Give me a break, I completely believe that so many systems, including criminal justice and the miliary, are fundamentally flawed. AND it is absolutely possible to believe that a system is flawed and not hate every individual within it.

That’s my problem with this status-symbol, one size fits all, hatred.

Beyond my general disdain for disingenuous activism, which you all have come to know so well, my issue is with the universal hatred. It’s not a personal, individualistic problem.

Think about individual officers, police or military. First of all, for how many of them to do you think this was a real choice? If you’ve grown up in poverty and someone comes to your highschool in a fancy hummer or pick-up truck decorated in propaganda in all of its glory, offering you a chance at a paying future, you’re most likely going to take it. The system has set it up so that option is a real one for you. It’s counting on it.

You may look at a uniform and see someone you hate, but I see a back story I’ll never truly know or understand. I see my privilege making me judge that person. When our lens is one in which every person can easily make choices not to do something like join a system that guarantees a wage, that’s privilege. That’s unrealistic. And to hate the person who makes that choice is simply unfair.

More than unfair, it’s unrealistic. We’re not going to change anything by targeting individuals who are simply trying to keep a job, to have a career. But we will change everything by dismantling oppressive systems. And it’s folks within those systems who can help change them.

Hate all you want – I can’t stop you. But I can ask you to think about how your own privilege leads you to target individuals rather than systems, and why.

I don’t hate all police officers and I don’t hate all military personnel. I hate oppressive systems. Period.

Women are Crazy

ashleyjomaier — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 20:53:00 +0000

No we’re not.

I recently read this article about why women aren’t crazy. And I related. In it, the author uses the term gaslighting to explain the phenomenon of making women “emotionally mute.”

Those who engage in gaslighting create a reaction—whether it’s anger, frustration, sadness—in the person they are dealing with. Then, when that person reacts, the gaslighter makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure by behaving as if their feelings aren’t rational or normal.

If you identify as a woman, I’m guessing, like me, this seems familiar.

But gaslighting can be as simple as someone smiling and saying something like, “You’re so sensitive,” to somebody else. Such a comment may seem innocuous enough, but in that moment, that person is making a judgment about how someone else should feel.

I can’t count the number of times this has happened to me. What I like about this article is that the author not only names and explains the phenomenon, but he also talks about why it happens. Why women are the targets.

It is much easier for us to place our emotional burdens on the shoulders of our wives, our female friends, our girlfriends, our female employees, our female colleagues, than for us to impose them on the shoulders of men…It’s a whole lot easier to emotionally manipulate someone who has been conditioned by our society to accept it.

I tend to express frustration with men in my life “trying to shut me up.” I like this article because it puts a label on something so many of us experience and, ultimately, it speaks to men. This isn’t a “hey women, just be strong enough to overcome it” article. Instead, it’s about holding men accountable.

But isn’t the issue of gaslighting ultimately about whether we are conditioned to believe that women’s opinions don’t hold as much weight as ours? That what women have to say, what they feel, isn’t quite as legitimate?

I think so.

Pug Factory

ashleyjomaier — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 20:51:31 +0000

Raweek in Review – November 2011

ashleyjomaier — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 23:03:59 +0000

I made it. Raweek – November 2011 was a success. I think the key was that I let myself have non-raw sauces with the raw food. Some may say that it wasn’t a true raweek. I say to those some you are wrong. Now, I didn’t have time to get groceries until mid-week, so keep that in mind when you read what I ate each day. Also keep in mind that I am not a good representation of a raw foodist. I ate what was available to me and didn’t even try to make anything fancy.

Sunday 11/13/11

Banana, tea, nuts, seeds, carrots, olives, and apples.

Monday 11/14/11

Banana, tea, nuts, seeds, carrots, olives, and apples.

Tuesday 11/15/11

Banana, tea, huge salad, raw chocolate, nuts, seeds, pear, olives, cantaloupe, carrots, and pickles.

Wednesday 11/16/11

Bananas, tea, salad, cantaloupe, seeds, nuts, pickles, olives, tomatoes, and carrots.

Thursday 11/17/11

Banana, tea, salad, nuts, seeds, pickles, and cantaloupe.

Friday 11/18/11

Banana, tea, salad, nuts, seeds, pickles, carrots, tomatoes, and a Raw Revolution bar.

Saturday 11/19/11

Tea, 2 raw fiber bars, salad, and a Raw Revolution bar.

Today, I ate deliciously warm soup and I currently have a squash baking in the oven. :)

For Marti

ashleyjomaier — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 08:00:28 +0000

I just found out that Marti Kheel died today. I don’t know what to do except to write about her.

Marti was a supporter, a mentor, and a friend. Like no other. I met her at an animal rights conference. I had known that she was the co-founder of Feminists for Animal Rights and I wanted to thank her, simply thank her. Little did I know what would become of that thank you.

I owe so much to Marti. She didn’t have to support me. But she did. I don’t know why she was so wonderful to me after we met. I don’t know why she reached out to me with so much little-deserved support and respect. All I know is that she’s the reason Connect the Dots is what it is. She’s the reason the idea from 2005 has kept going, amidst major life changes, tragedies, and simply daily living and subsistence. I feel like in a way she made sure that I didn’t give up on it. I never saw that until now.

Marti is the reason that my dream is alive.

I don’t know how to cope with the loss of someone who I never thought I deserved the respect of. I don’t know how to say goodbye to someone who believed in me in a way I never understood. I just have no idea how to let Marti go.

So I won’t. Marti lives on through Connect the Dots. She lives on through my commitment to feminist veganism. She lives on through my committment to address sexual violence within the animal rights movement. These are things she gave to me.

The wound of Marti’s passing is fresh and hurts incredibly deeply but I will make sure that her memory, her legacy, and her life is celebrated.

I will miss you Marti and my thank you extends forever. You gave me courage, strength, and hope to no end.

The cutest thing ever.

ashleyjomaier — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 05:23:09 +0000

I have some little sample packets of catnip that I got from purrfectplay.com. All I know to do is put them out on a little plate for my neglected neighbor cat (they say “yummy”). Well, I did that tonight and a few minutes later, I heard some very loud and raucous noises on my front step. Scooter and I decided to check it out. I opened the front door just a tad, with Scooter tentatively putting his face up to the opening, and *BAM* a little grey arm reached in and punched Scooter in the face. I wish my eyes were a flip cam.